Vacation

This vacation I was very confused whether I should go home or take up an internship. I gave it a lot of thought and kept both the options open for a while. But, at the last moment I refused the internship and decided to go home.

I know some of my batch mates would consider me a fool for saying that cos they are a part of the race that wants to grab everything that comes their way professionally, have big portfolios and grab big jobs for themselves. For a while even I had become a part of this rat race just to realize that it was slowing me down and killing my creativity. It wasn't just my work but my intrinsic happiness that was getting affected, cos I was not happy with my work and not being happy was affecting my work further, in a way it was a vicious circle. I knew I needed a break and I took a break. And trust me till date the fun and experiences I had in that one month can not be replaced by any industry exposure, any hi-fi portfolio, stipend or contacts.

I knew this was my last long vacation back at home. I had some real quality time with my parents and siblings. I met my grand mom, maybe for the last time, given her condition can't be sure if she'd still be around when I get off this busy life of trying to build a career for myself. The smile on her face, the pride and glory that she feels for your achievements, nothing can compare to it. Those special family moments together, shopping, going out for ice creams n golas, or those long drives to visit family members, spent fighting with your siblings in the back seat. Sharing secrets and gossiping with your sister, catching up with mom and dad, telling them about your future plans, hearing out their reflections on the same, eating good, waking up early and being done with everything by 10(usual waking up time in Bangalore), leaving whole day to do whatever you want, those back to back movies and baking cakes and cookies. A complete refreshing package. And do I feel refreshed? Yes absolutely. And it shows. Shows in my work, my attitude and everything I do...

After a brief respite

I have not written for a long time. Each time I write something or the other goes wrong. Either I can't write anymore or the file gets closed without saving or I simply get confused if I really feel this way. So I thought what would be a better option than breaking the spell by writing about the spell itself.

Last few months have been a roller coaster. Physically, emotionally and in all other ways possible. And that in a way kept me so busy and away from thinking that there was nothing much to write about, even if I sat down to pen my thoughts it somehow wouldn't work, cos somewhere in the middle of these mixed feelings and emotions I was really unsure of how I felt about a particular situation. And it's not that I hate the situation, in fact I loved those times, they just flew by and I knew I was enjoying every moment of it. I did miss writing, but writing to me has always been a way to express things to myself and those days there was no need to do that, cos maybe I wasn't sure of how I felt for each thing in particular but, one thing I knew for sure was I was happy. And that required no retrospection.

One would think then why was I even trying to write? The reason is that I was so happy that I wanted to record it all, cos we remember the bad times so vividly but its the good times that just fade away, leaving just this warm feeling of happiness and that's all you recollect when you look back...