Sometimes we need a nudge!

It's been a long time since I have been wanting to do a few things. But, I have been lacking motivation to take them up. Take this blog for instance, try as I might am not able to be a regular here. 

And no, am not talking about cleaning the house or pampering myself. For those who know me well, know what a cleanliness freak I am. It's the other things in life. The opportunities, the creativity, the motivation to do something different. 

Yesterday was one of the days when the husband happened to come back home early. Yes, he's busy these days. Gone are our good old Goa days when he used to be back home by 1. These days he comes back around 6 and though I do have a lot of time thanks to the short cut meals in his absence and the entire day to myself  I tend to manage to have no time for these things that need my attention for a long time now.

I guess my husband has been noting this change in me for a long time now. I used to be this ever so energetic, always upto something sort of person. If nothing I will start cleaning up the cupboards and gadgets and boxes. I needed something to do constantly. But, now it's different. I have to admit I have become lazy. The cleaning is still on though :), but other things have taken a blow. 

Yesterday, when my husband casually happened to mention the same, I kept quiet for a while, muttered something non-sensical and continued with the day, with the thought somewhere lost in my mind. But, then today when I sat in front of my laptop to start my day again, his words came back to me. Slowly and hesitantly I picked up some work I have been shelving aside for a long time. Few hours into it and I already started having these dreams that I used to have long back where my imagination will run ahead of me and I will work fastidiously. So, yes for a while I seem to be getting back on track again. Hope it continues. Maybe I just needed that little nudge. Maybe we all do. Whatever that makes you do it...

Did you call for something?

In the world of Facebook and Whats app and all the social media available on the smart phones, the relationships couldn't get worse. Like a mobile phone was not evil enough that we had to find more reasons to cut ourselves from real conversations!

I am not a very social person. I hardly keep in touch. But, the days when I do remember someone, or call someone, I mean it with all my heart that I called because I was missing them. And it's not always a call. Sometimes I drop in a long mail or message or anything that comes to my mind to break that long silence.

Of lately not once or twice but thrice it happened that during one of these getting back in touch calls, people ended up asking 'You called for some work/help? Ya aise hi (Or Just like that)?' !

I was taken aback. I am not the kind of person who makes friends thinking how can they help me in future. Yes, I am at times selfish in the way I make friends and I guess I have been open about it earlier as well, I like people I feel I can learn something from. I like people who I feel inspired from or intimidated for some reason or the other. Because it gives me a challenge to get better. So, yes am not denying that I am selfish when it comes to picking friends, but it's never to use them or to get something done by them. I will try everything possible on my own before turning to someone for help. So, yes it felt bad. And then coincidentally I overheard a conversation my husband was having. And let me tell you he's a total opposite of me. He's very very very social. He loves to keep in touch. It's quite annoying but you will always find him glued to his phone. Often it would happen that you will keep talking to him and he will keep looking into his screen chatting away with others only reacting 10 minutes later, when you have lost all context of what you were talking about. So, the point am trying to establish here is that he's the kinds who's always in touch. And yet, in one of his catching up calls the person at the other end ended up asking, 'Yaar yeh sab chod bata kya kar sakte hai hum tere liye?( Hey, forget all this, tell me what can I help you with?)' A very subtle way of saying cut the crap and tell me what did you need me for that you had to CALL? And then it dawned on me, that the fault is not in me or my intentions, or in not keeping in touch or keeping in touch. It's the way the priority order of communication has changed.

For every small little thing you can tweet it away, for an elaborate status with fun filled pictures to be shared there's Facebook, for every second discussion there's Whats app and like, in absense of internet connectivity simply drop a message, for official work drop a mail, for shopping why step out when I can get it online? So when the phone rings, you are like 'pakka kuch kaam hoga (I am sure he/she needs something)' .

So, to confirm my theory I started observing the next few calls I got. And other than family each and every call was for some help/advise/work? I was shocked! The definition certainly has changed. And I am left wondering that should I change the way I get back in touch or should I just stick to the calls and be questioned every time and answer in negative and carry on with my catching up stories....

Last week

Last week was quite an eventful one. Got in touch with lot of people, caught up, roamed around, watched Ship of Theseus, cooked experimental zero-oil food all week long (hehe), went fishing on Sunday.. All in all a good week. Guess that explains my absence from the blog again.

It's true time flies when you are happy, busy. And so did the week. And it's Monday again. And for a change it's not sad at all. It's filled with memories of all the good times we had last week. And a desire to make this week equally happening as well. So, this is wishing you all a happy week ahead. And hoping I get time to share the same here... Hehe..

Here's last week in pictures:

Found a lot of these in Jews Town, Fort Kochi. Picked one for my Urli as well :)

Antique shops in Fort Kochi

Antique Shops in Fort Kochi

Antiques in Fort Kochi

Workers polishing the Antiques

Colorful Antiques

Beach view from Naval Base in Fort Kochi

Catch

Friend with her catch

That's me struggling with the fishing rods

Husband in a relaxed mode

View from my balcony :)

Chicken :)

Fruity affair

My baking experiments :)

Of Learning...

Ever since I have moved to Kochi, I spend a lot of time alone at home. Reason: husband has a tight work schedule. Initially it irritated me. Being alone and the non-stop rains meant I couldn't even go out and explore the streets. And I could see the effect. I used to get upset at every little thing my husband did or every second he spent to himself once he was back. Knowing I wasn't doing the right thing and yet I couldn't help it. I just felt the need to talk. And he of course used to come back too tired to be even remotely interested in the same. It went on for a few days and then I had had it enough. So, I started looking for things that make me happy and started indulging in them. 

If I remember right the first one was the baking fever. Hehe... Yes, I love baking. I tried a lot of things. Some came out amazing and some were a true disaster. But, everyday once I was done with my job(yes, I don't even have an Office to go to. I work from home. Imagine!) I'd quickly browse random cooking blogs, pick the yummiest picture and start at it. This went on for a long but soon I got bored. But, it was having a great effect on my mood. 

So, I switched from Baking to sketching to decorating the house to playing scrabble online to reading. The list goes on. And now that I look back, I have learnt so many new recipes, added new words to my vocab and caught up with lot of latest news. 

In the end it's not the time, it's not the need to talk, it's not the need of company. It's all about learning. As long as one's learning, we are hardly bored. But, the day we stop learning it starts eating us up. So, don't stop learning. Just keep at it. Anything and everything. Just go for it!

Sunshine brings a smile...

I woke up today and instantly looked around for a reason to bring a smile on my face. I fetched the paper no good news, moved onto check the phone that was blinking for attention, news feeds are talking about the Royal baby boy. Happy for the new parents but am yet to find something that can bring a smile. I stepped out to the balcony and there it was shining on me. A bright sun. The warmth, the brightness, the shine. Ages. God! It's been ages. No sun! Only rain. Just rain. Darkness and dampness everywhere.

But, today is different. It's bright and shiny. Yay! There's so much to do and so much to feel happy about... Good day everyone...

Hand writing....

Well, of those who knew me back in college days would know that I had a lovely hand writing. I have even had my answer sheets being circulated around to showcase the neat beautiful writing. But, if you read the above lines you must have noticed my usage of 'had'. Yes, it's all in past. 

Just today, while making a to-do list for me (Yes, I make to-do list for everyday that I love to cross out at the end of the day. Gives me a sense of achievement! Hehe...) I noticed that I was just scribbling away. And my hand writing was getting worse with every letter. I looked back and I could not even read some of the letters. Bah! Imagine my shock! 

Back when we were dating, I used to write these really long letters to my husband and he'd always look at them and say, that you're handwriting is so beautiful; when we have kids please teach them the same so that they can get good marks. Often teasing me that half my scores were thanks to my hand writing. That the teachers never really read the paper they just put random numbers judging by the hand writing. 

Well, I don't know how much of that is true but, yes it used to be a great feeling hear him say that.  And today, I was totally taken aback. But, if you have read my previous posts then you'd know that this year I have decided to not let anything come my way. To take everything in my stride. So, instantly I decided and jotted down in my to-do list that 'Write a page with patience. Your hand writing sucks'. The moment I was done with the to-do list I went hunting for a single ruled notebook. Found a gel pen. And started penning my thoughts. The thought flow seemed to be flowing well but, my hand it refused to move after two paras. It hurt! I looked back and thought God! how did I write those 100 marks papers which went on and on and on. And even though the hand writing wasn't so bad, it wasn't even close to what I once had and the hand just kept hurting. I somehow pushed myself to finish that page and by the end of it vowed to keep writing on paper. And hopefully by the time it's time to show the kids I have something beautiful to show again.

Coming back!

Over the last few days I was opening my blog and wondering why I haven't written for so long. Then finding no reason whatsoever, I'd decide to write something today and then suddenly all the enthusiasm will die and I'd close the page again.

Today I heard from an old friend after years and he just happened to mention that he used to read my blog and that it's sad I've stopped writing. I guess it really is. Especially when there's so much to write. Everyday there's a new experience or something worthy of sharing. So why not?

Let's just say from today onward I shall try to blog more often and share tidbits of my life like I used to earlier.

So, Sid if you're reading this, then this is thanking you for making my day and giving me motivation to get back to writing again.

Of marriage and anniversaries

It was exactly an year ago today, that the day Indian culture goes gaga about in every Indian girl's life - Baraat aane wali hai. Yes, it was the day for which we were all preparing and planning for day & night for almost 6-8 months. Checking and re-checking every arrangement. Flowers, bookings, timings, jewellery, gifts, packing. To have a perfect day the next day and a warm and pleasant welcome for the Baraat.

They were to arrive early in the morning, there was Puja in the house, Sangeet ceremony at night, and in the middle of the chaos and planning the job allotments. You go to welcome the baraat, you look at flowers, you are in-charge of the Puja. And in this hustle-bustle there I sat quietly in my room wondering what would life be like after tomorrow.

Will it change? Will my boyfriend think of me differently once he's my husband. Will this room still belong to me? Will I take everything from that cupboard of mine or I can still leave some of my comfort clothes for the times I return home? Will I ever get back to being the working independent woman again? Or I will settle for being a housewife cooking three meals and keeping the house tidy, ready with a smile to welcome the husband when he comes home?

I was still circling all the thoughts of having a new family, new house, changes - cultural and emotional, when a relative pops into my room and says we saw the would be Damaad. He's looking as handsome as ever. And suddenly all the thoughts vanished. And a certainty swept in that from tomorrow am going to be with the man who takes me for what I am. Loves everything about me, be it endearing or annoying. Who loves me for the independent woman I am. Who loves me for the fact that I have my own mind. Maybe I don't have to change much. Or maybe I don't have to change at all. I can still be the dreamy girl, whose boyfriend every now and then plans a surprise for her to sweep her off her feet and feel loved all over again. I can still nurture the baby inside me, cos I know I have someone who'd every now and then cater to her baby needs of love and pampering. Yes, I will miss those short and sweet surprise visits and intricate planning to make them eventful and memorable while we were dating, but does it really matter now that we are going to be together 24x7. And there was a sudden urge to meet him, to hug him tight and kiss him like it maybe for the last time.

Ha! but, the bride and groom are not to meet before the wedding! And so comes the thrill of escaping from a house full of 100+ people to meet him. A 30 minute to and fro drive with incessant calls asking for my whereabouts to meet him for 10 minutes. Bah! All thanks to the sweet sister.

And then followed the day with some more Puja and Sangeet and a sleepless night leading to the day of the wedding. Which again went by in a whirlwind. People people everywhere. Smiling smiling and going away. And it was done. We were united. To be together. To trust each other with everything. To belong to each other with everything we have. Strengths, weaknesses,  love, affection, respect, family. And was it all worth the effort. One year gone by and I sometimes laugh at things we did and worried about and messed our heads with. So maybe it was! This is a thank you note for everyone who was there to support me, planning, enjoying, working, slogging to make that day a success. A special thanks to my family for being so supportive of all my whims and fancies. And to my husband for making the last one year so beautiful that it makes me smile all the way every time I look back. Love you all!

There's no price for confidence

In a recent incident  I realized that there's no price for confidence. It takes you places. Invest as much as you can in building your confidence and no one can take you down.

I know I had various resolutions for this new year. But, if I sift them through, it all boils down to confidence. So I have decided this year I shall face my fears head on and tackle them one by one. Target for this year - Never saying things like 'maybe.. err I think... I don't think I can do this'.

For every I don't think I can do this that comes to my mind I will try and convert it into I can do this.