Honey! You have my full support...

I guess I have learned the hard way round. You can get away with being honest and outright when it comes to strangers, but you can't when it comes to close ones. They would simply take offense and will refuse to understand your single point and instead you will end up facing all the music. And in the end regretting why did I even bother, couldn't I just let things be the way they were, make my peace with it and forget, adjust to it. Make a little compromise. After all, everyone says, relationships take a little compromise, how am I so special to be an exception?

So, I guess from now on I shall fight with the whole world, but when it comes to loved ones, it would just be, Honey! You have my full support. And try and see how far can I get. And if the curbed feelings and truth hurt too much, maybe I will fight them too, but I shall never express my hurt feelings to those little few.

And if anyone reading this, feels bad or offended, am sorry I didn't intend to, I was just mocking at how things are, and how they can be. So either believe it and be a sport, else you know Honey! you have my full support! Hehehe...

What if...

What is it like to be unaware? To not know something, the result, the reason, the thought, the cause... They say ignorance is bliss. Maybe yes, at times. But is it always? What if I knew the reasons, what if I knew why? Would it it have made any difference to what I am, how I behaved or what I did? Guess I wouldn't know until I know.

To the stuff I have lost

From the favorite pen flicked by a stranger,
and friends lost to extreme anger,
to the sweet dream lost to a ringing alarm,
and the lovely thoughts lost to the traffic jam,

I don't miss you today,
Yes, I loved you,
but I no longer that way...

Taking a day off

Last three months have been different, chaotic, with ups and downs and busy.... Super busy... It's like everything wants a piece of me, and I happily give away, but nothing remains for me. I miss reading those books, neatly lined up in my hall, long bought with great enthusiasm, but still brand new, some to such an extent that maybe I haven't even flipped a page.

The list of to do's just keeps getting longer and longer, so much that the sticky note no longer fits into my laptop screen, and has a scroll bar now. Hehe... In the whole day office wants me, the project wants me, the house needs my attention, and so does the laundry bag and the kitchen sink full to the brim with last nights dishes. God! I sound like a housewife!!!!

And yes, then there are people to attend to, yes, living on earth requires you to be a social animal. You have to pick up those calls and listen and share how miserable our lives are and feel exasperated that the cribbing session took away another precious 40 minutes of your time and now you probably have to make up for it from the time you allotted for yourself. It's more like telling yourself, 'No book tonight!' like you often see in the movies where the wife reprimands her husband saying 'No sex tonight!'.. Hehe.. All this and I look back and all I can do is laugh... Yes, am sure anyone reading this will assume that I was doing all this grudgingly, that I don't like it, whereas that's not the case.

We Capricorns are crafted this way. We love the routine, and we set it ourselves, but we love adventure too. We love being independent. We love being left to ourselves. We love to do things the way we want, and when there are factors that mess with our routine, we go crazy. I really feel guilty at times when my boyfriend gets caught up in this crazy whirlwind. But, guess he has a lot to learn. It's a simple trigger, we allot some time to ourselves, and we just want that time and schedule is so well planned that one thing goes amiss and everything falls down and then starts the struggle to get everything back on track and it just goes on... And in all this, where am I? I am still there, with my to do things taking a backseat everyday.

So here I am today, taking a day off, and so far it's a great start. Woke up to my own time, feasted on my favorite breakfast, pampered myself with all the body oils and nice smelling moisturizers, and listening to some good music, writing one of my longest post in quite some time. And am happy. After a long time, though I might have to face an angry boyfriend for just shutting down my phone, ignoring him, but am sure, once am back, I'll make up for it... I already feel better...

People...

It's always great to meet people, people of all kinds, people you never spoke to, people you know very well, people you have been avoiding, people you dread, people you care about, people you fought with. People in general. The talks, the conversations, the gestures, the ideas, the view of life in general is so different, so varied, so colorful. It's great to observe them, listen to them, animatedly talk, explain, justify, laugh, scream, rant. And all you hear is a buzz from where you filter the words you want to hear, react to it and rest is forgotten like the horns in the daily traffic. Yes, it causes slight annoyance, but you got your target in mind, your focus is on the road you need to follow, and you just tread ahead. Some more buzz, and you smile, as you hear things you wanted to, a laughter here there, a distant thought in mind, a goal, a target, calculations in the brain, and yes it all makes sense. Whether this piece does or not, the thoughts in the brain do. They are varied, they are plenty, they are happy, they are sad, but in one thing they are coherent and that is they all originate from one place and that's me. And I understand. I talk, I talk to others, I talk to myself, I talk to you, I laugh at your jokes, I am a part of the little gathering that we have arranged, and so are you. Just the way we used to...

Those were the days...

Last few months as am back in the work circuit, with so called grown up mature people, there are so many things I notice that are different and beyond my understanding.

I still remember the days when as a kid emotions were so simple, we would first just ask for what we want with a simple cute innocent face, if denied we will be angry, mad, or simply make a face and not speak a single word but will make it felt that yes, we did not like being denied what we wanted and in extremes will cry. But, making us laugh again was also as easy.

And we did, if we were sad we cried, if we were happy we laughed. Same as we grew up, though the palette of emotions was larger than it used to be, but yes, it was still discernible, openly expressible and soon forgotten.

But, as we grow up, I wonder why we suppress these emotions, why we hide, why we find it embarrassing that a certain someone makes you smile, or a certain someone makes you cry. Why do we have to make these emotions a private affair? Wasn't the world and life simpler when we wold just shout at a friend, call him or her a liar and next day, be playing with the same person, yesterday's events all forgotten? I see people having hush hush talks in the corner of the toilet, I see someone crying to themselves in some abandoned zone, I see people creating and recreating scenarios in their mind looking for the right opportunity to convey a simple thing that they want to tell someone.

I want those days back when I could simply make a face and say I don't like 'lauki ki sabji', or teacher I did not do my homework, I had a stomach ache. Or I don't like you,'Katti!'. The days that were simple, innocent and the days when I was me and so was everyone...

You and me

You are what you are, because of me,
I am what I am because of thee,

I am love, 'cos you love me,
I am fear 'cos you are afraid of me,
I am pain 'cos I hurt you,
I am happiness, 'cos I bring the smile in you,

You are handsome, 'cos I see you that way,
You are a charmer, 'cos you make me sway,
You are irritating, 'cos you make me squirm,
You are interesting, 'cos together we have fun,

I see you, you see me,
I give meaning to you, and you to me....